Sunday, May 17, 2009

A look inside

I watched a Swedish film called Let the Right One In. It's about a 12-year-old boy who is the victim of bullying at school, and he falls in love with the vampire-next-door. Not Twilight, I swear. The movie was good, I kind of liked it. And if it were anything like Twilight, it would not have deeply disturbed me.

When I was in first grade I was very smart and quick with my assignments. My teacher chose me, along with a few other students like me, to do an extra assignment—a report on any subject of our choosing. She had a big book full of subjects like zoology, botany, astronomy and such, and each subject's section contained a list of assignments to do on it.

I was rather well-read as a child, mostly because my older cousin had given me some of his books to read. As I flipped through the pages, I decided that I would do research on a topic I didn't already read about. I passed zoology, botany, astronomy, Leonardo da Vinci, geology, meterology, geography, until I came across something entirely unfamiliar to me: "Paranormal and the Supernatural." The illustration on the page was of a skull and some candles.

I picked it. My teacher asked me if I was sure, and I said yes. She photocopied the pages and highlighted the assignments she wanted me to do: I was to do research on vampires, write a poem about a poltergeist, read about aliens and abductions, among others.

So I set out on my research, reading as many books as I could on it all. I began to regret my choice of topic... the more I read and wrote, the more terrified I became. The worst were the constant dreams I had about vampires: I'd dream of them killing me, killing my family and friends, with me defenseless. Some aspects of the report fascinated me, such as aliens. I think I used to pray to be abducted at night (I knew all the abductees came back all weird).

I presented my report to the class by the assignment's due date and I was done, I got my credit. But my fascination with the occult didn't stop there: I delved deeper into the strangeness that was aliens, spirits, ouija boards, astral projection (or out-of-body experiences). In fourth grade I remember using a bit of free time to go on the classroom computer, and I looked up something like "how to give yourself an out-of-body experience." I was writing down the instructions before my teacher came by... I showed her the screen and smiled, hoping she'd be impressed that I was researching such an interesting topic on my own. She told me that I shouldn't be looking at that and ordered me back to my seat.

For a while, I would try to self-induce an out-of-body experience. Every night I did the instructions diligently, step by step, in hopes that I would, one night, rise up and look down at my own sleeping body, then as a spirit fly around the neighborhood. Maybe I could fly high enough to meet the aliens that never came to me.

Not weird. Not weird at all.

Along with the fascination, I also kept the fear. Vampires still scared the crap out of me, and I refused to read any book or watch any movie about vampires. I had watched one once when I was little, and it had lots of violins in the soundtrack. Whenever a song with lots of violins came on the radio or the tape player, I'd plug my ears as hard as I could, and if I could still hear it, I'd cry. Violins = vampires.

Over time the fear faded, as I stopped believing that they would actually come hunt me down to suck my blood. It didn't really resurface again until I was recommended the Twilight book by Stephenie Meyer. It was only a brief moment of "...crap," but I picked it up anyway and read it. I liked it all right, and I wasn't afraid of the vampires. Probably because they are about the most human and wimpy pretty-vampires I've ever read about, but yes XD So I thought Twilight helped me get over that fear.

When I saw Let the Right One In tonight, the fear resurfaced.
Don't get me wrong, the movie was good. REALLY good, I highly recommend it, actually. It's also really damn creepy. That's what got me.

I went upstairs after the movie feeling terrified for some reason. I wasn't seriously thinking anything serious like "Oh no, a little vampire girl is going to come snap my neck and drink my blood and leave my body to be found by my loved ones!" I just felt some fear, unease, and it made me a little queasy.

Not knowing who else to turn to, I called up Jose. He was out with his friends, so I felt good about not waking him up or anything. I told him about it, and he just said he'd call me when he got home. After that I felt incredibly stupid, why did I just call him for that? Stupid, stupid stupid. It's a wonder why he doesn't wonder why he's with me.

He called back and put me to ease.

I'm sleepy, now, so I'll get to bed.

After I finish fashioning this garlic necklace.



Big J said...

ahhhh I heard that Let the Right One In is supposed to be really good!

Melissa said...

I saw the preview for that and was totally creeped out. I love finding books that present different views about vampirism, if they're evil, good, inherently good, or even human and alive...

I fear the undead mostly. For some really weird reason, vampires don't count in that category, it's more zombies, mindless monsters, you know?

Mmm, vampires. I think we should revisit this :D
But yeah Twilight practically mocked everything I've ever read in some ways. Oh well. I can't really say much because other authors invent their own vampires too... I think it was the sparkles XD