Monday, August 9, 2010

When Dreams Rise from the Dead

Today my dad asked me if I still wanted to be a pilot and I just froze in my seat. Instead of answering, I asked him why, and he asked me again because he wanted to "make sure." And then he told me about this flight school in the Philippines that costs about 1/4th the price of flight schools in the US. It's internationally recognized, and people from around the world attend this school to become private and commercial pilots, and many of them go on to fly for airlines like Lufthansa. To make it all better, the school is located 20 minutes away from the condo my parents own in the Philippines.

When I heard all this, I think my heart might've stopped a bit XD

This is... whoa. Talk about an opportunity. This opportunity basically encompasses two dreams that I had given up on: becoming a pilot, and studying/living abroad. Wow. Wow shmow zow.

Of course I'm ecstatic! Of course the first thing I did is squeal, and then  started day dreaming about my time living in the Philippines, learning the language and learning how to fly like I've always wanted to. And then I started doubting everything :\

Okay, so it's less expensive than the normal amount in the States, but it's still pretty expensive. Why do I want to do this, anyway? Is my aim to become a commercial pilot? It must be, because it's a hugely expensive hobby to have, one I doubt I can support on a graphic designer's salary. Would it be purely selfish of me to go out there and spend that time and money (most of which will probably not be my own) on something I can only say I just... enjoy? How do I justify that? How do I justify going abroad and learning how to fly if I'm not going to do anything with it later, huh? HUH?!

I started thinking about how things happen to people that have "followed their hearts/dreams," particularly my friends. Friends like Brent and Brendel have done things just because they love to do it, and they've found opportunity to put what they love to use, whether it's learning Russian or riding motorcycles. Did any of them expect to get the opportunities they did, like actually going to Russia or being a stunt biker in a music video? Nope. They didn't start off expecting that.

Why do I feel like I have to?

Why is everything so complicated with me?!
I try to tell myself to see so far into the future, but the truth is, I can't even see that far. Literally and metaphorically.

The only reason why the idea of going to flight school still excites me is because I haven't forgotten the feeling I had when I piloted my first airplane... the feeling that there was nothing better, that I could put my whole being into this and just be happy.

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