Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Looking through older sketchbooks, and I realized a few things

  1. One particular drawing really struck me and gave me inspiration for a logo design I'm working on
  2. The older the sketchbook, the more drawings and doodles there are
  3. ...and the newer the sketchbook, the more written notes there are (rather than doodles)
  4. I used to draw a lot more
  5. and I used to be better.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

...Now What?

I created a new deviantArt account for these reasons:
  • To separate work I did back then, from work I do now (as I'm under the impression that I am a different artist now than I was back then)
  • To utilize deviantArt's new Portfolio feature as my professional graphic design portfolio
  • To claim "theJollity" name on that site—it's my handle everywhere else, gotta stay consistent ;)
I could have easily used the Portfolio feature on my old account, but I didn't want it attached to such an old name (midniteBLAZE) with such old art. At the same time, I enjoyed that account that I've had for 6 years, so I'm not just going to flat out delete the work there, or the account itself. It is still there!

Anyway, I'm looking at my blank deviantArt account now, and it's making me want to draw something really, really nice so I can slap it up there. I'm looking back at my older account, at my older drawings, wondering how I was able to draw all that back then. Lately it seems like it takes so much for me just to pick up a pencil and sketch.

So... now what?

Monday, August 16, 2010

My Greatest Mistake

The greatest mistake I've made as an artist is ceasing to invest in myself. I used to be very obsessed with how I presented myself and my work—making sure my blog layouts were impeccable, keeping my deviantArt account up to date with my latest and greatest, making sure everything I did was in tip top shape. Somewhere down the line I lost a lot of confidence in myself and thought it was pointless to invest so much time trying to promote myself when I had nothing worth promoting. I'm sure I felt that way at the time, but I regret thinking that way, nonetheless. I stopped posting to my dA account. I stopped drawing because I was too afraid to start, for fear that it wouldn't be good, or afraid of not knowing what to do. I know now that all this can just be solved by just doing it, but I haven't been.

I'm slowly trying to break out of this rut. It's been too long.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Still Riding that High

Ever since my dad told me about the opportunity to learn how to fly in the Philippines I haven't stopped thinking about flying again. It was exhilarating the first time, but will the next time be full of self-doubt and second guesses? I sure hope not... I hope the feeling is still the same as that time I flew 5 years ago, feeling like I'm at home.

The forces of the Universe must really want me to fly, because yesterday I happened upon an article by Davin Coburn on his experience of earning a pilot's license within a week.


The rundown is that, based on the Federal Aviation Administration's Sport Pilot Initiative, anybody could get a pilot's license for way cheaper, and in way less time than normal. Coburn got his in a week. There are certain restrictions: with a Sport Pilot License, you are only allowed to fly certain lightweight aircrafts, in certain areas, during the day. However, the entire thing would cost $3,500 or less, and you're only required to complete 20 hours of flight time.

Even though the aircraft is a little different, it's still flight, and in my position, I think this option would be best for me. Obviously I'm not going to go sign up right now, but I am going to start saving up for it. Even though the school in the Philippines will give me a legitimate Private/Commercial Pilot License, I would hate myself for dropping $20,000 and not committing to doing this for a job... and right now, and probably at least 2 more years in the future, I'm not sure that I want to do that. With a Sport Pilot License, I'll fulfill my desire for flight in a way that's considerably less expensive, and it'll help me decide if flying is what I want to do as a career.

It's amazing how I just completely forget about graphic design and art when I start thinking about this.

It's even more amazing that... I don't feel guilty at all because of it.

Monday, August 9, 2010

When Dreams Rise from the Dead

Today my dad asked me if I still wanted to be a pilot and I just froze in my seat. Instead of answering, I asked him why, and he asked me again because he wanted to "make sure." And then he told me about this flight school in the Philippines that costs about 1/4th the price of flight schools in the US. It's internationally recognized, and people from around the world attend this school to become private and commercial pilots, and many of them go on to fly for airlines like Lufthansa. To make it all better, the school is located 20 minutes away from the condo my parents own in the Philippines.

When I heard all this, I think my heart might've stopped a bit XD

This is... whoa. Talk about an opportunity. This opportunity basically encompasses two dreams that I had given up on: becoming a pilot, and studying/living abroad. Wow. Wow shmow zow.

Of course I'm ecstatic! Of course the first thing I did is squeal, and then  started day dreaming about my time living in the Philippines, learning the language and learning how to fly like I've always wanted to. And then I started doubting everything :\

Okay, so it's less expensive than the normal amount in the States, but it's still pretty expensive. Why do I want to do this, anyway? Is my aim to become a commercial pilot? It must be, because it's a hugely expensive hobby to have, one I doubt I can support on a graphic designer's salary. Would it be purely selfish of me to go out there and spend that time and money (most of which will probably not be my own) on something I can only say I just... enjoy? How do I justify that? How do I justify going abroad and learning how to fly if I'm not going to do anything with it later, huh? HUH?!

I started thinking about how things happen to people that have "followed their hearts/dreams," particularly my friends. Friends like Brent and Brendel have done things just because they love to do it, and they've found opportunity to put what they love to use, whether it's learning Russian or riding motorcycles. Did any of them expect to get the opportunities they did, like actually going to Russia or being a stunt biker in a music video? Nope. They didn't start off expecting that.

Why do I feel like I have to?

Why is everything so complicated with me?!
I try to tell myself to see so far into the future, but the truth is, I can't even see that far. Literally and metaphorically.

The only reason why the idea of going to flight school still excites me is because I haven't forgotten the feeling I had when I piloted my first airplane... the feeling that there was nothing better, that I could put my whole being into this and just be happy.